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Against the grain
An excoriating review of a work that is generally deemed to be a literary masterpiece For a fruitless foray into balderdash at its best,...
Descriptive Power
A poem in praise of adjectives And what made England’s mountains ‘green’ or April showers ‘sweet’? The adjective! It crowns the noun and...
Premier Poetry
A politician’s speech written by a famous writer (A speech for Gordon Brown written by Dylan Thomas) I give you, voters, this dream....
County Sounds
An anthem for a county of one’s choice And did this shire, from days of yore, Shine as the jewel in Britain’s crown? And was there ever...
Animal Crackers
A poem containing the line ‘Whenever you see a rhinoceros’ The rhino, as many would postulate Is a twin-horned delight, an adorable sight...
L'enfer C'est
Pithy definitions of Hell Hell: alarm call; Monday morning; missing sock; snapped shoelace; mirror image; scales’ reading; blunt razor;...
Get Hitched
A poem incorporating the titles of at least six Alfred Hitchcock films Rebecca was keen, I confess, On The man who knew too much. A...
Time Travel
An extract from the school essay of well-known figure Mother always enjoys holidays sigh the bee so this year father took us to Meston...
X-rated
A spiced-up children’s poem The owl and the pussy cat went to sea With a shamelessly shocking young shrew, They said, ‘We agree that to...
Open and shut case
An opening to an imaginary novel so magnificently bad that it would repel any would-be reader Was this the calm before the storm? If so,...
Rhyme and Reason
A limerick to mark the bicentenary of Darwin’s birth ‘Alleluia!’ cried God, ‘All is solved And Darwin is duly absolved. He’s made it...
Proverbial
Proverbs for the 21st century You’re never too old to earn. Where there’s a will there’s inheritance tax plus solicitor’s fees. There’s a...
New Year Letter
A story entitled ‘New Year Letter’ concluding with the words, ‘under the familiar weight of winter, conscience and the state’ ‘Dearly...
Show me the boy ...
A speech that Shakespeare, as a boy, might have delivered as he was slaughtering a calf Friends, townsmen, fellow citizens – rejoice! I...
Lyric Poetry
A song by the Beatles (Hard Day’s Night) rewritten in the style of John Milton When I consider all the weary length Of this day’s night...
Hard Times
A description of a modern social ill in the style of Charles Dickens They were stressed times, they were cursed times, it was the age of...
Gizza job
An application for an inappropriate job written by a character from a poem Dear Sir/Madam, Having considered the attributes required for...
Paracrostic
A poem in which the initial letters of each line read down the page reproduce the poem’s first line Autumn’s here again Usurping summer’s...
Rhymeless Reason
A poem whose lines end with twelve given words in any order: angst, depth, plinth, bilge, film, breadth, pint, scarce, month, wolf,...
De haut en bas
A continuation in verse of the statement, ‘The gentleman in Whitehall knows better…’ The gentleman in Whitehall knows better than to say...
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