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Modern Muses
A passage describing nine muses for the 21st century to replace the classical muses, Cleo, Urania, Calliope, Melpomene, Euterpe, Erato,...
Country Music
Two verses supplying new words for a British national anthem, to be sung to the original tune. Great One who Dawkins doubts, Where e’er...
Two Bobs
A review by a critic identifying the literary precursor to a popular music star Those immortal lines from ‘The Wasteland’, to wit: ‘Twit...
Not Cricket
A description of modern-day cricket in the style of Sir Henry Newbolt’s ‘breathless hush’ poem, Vitai Lampada There’s a wretched crush in...
Pet Sounds
A poem eulogising a pet My Maud, she makes the perfect pet, A choice I never could regret Despite misgivings from the vet Who deemed it a...
Short Story
A short story ending, ‘Sir, when I heard of him last, he was running about town shooting cats’ ‘Yes , sir, it’s a sad story. It must have...
I Spy
A famous scene from literature retold by one of the minor characters Anyone reading his account would imagine that I, a parson, was...
Metamorphosi
An account of awakening one morning having been transformed into an insect So here I am, transformed into something though not quite sure...
Hard Sell
A publisher’s press release on a book entitled ‘Bombproof Your Horse’ Widely tipped to be a literary bombshell bursting on the market...
Ancient and Modern
A theatrical critic’s response to a production of a modern play in ancient costume Dull, dowdy, dire and depressing are the words that...
The Ides of March
A retrospective comment in verse from the other world on the assassination of Julius Caesar by one of the conspirators I nearly pulled it...
Poor Relation
A song beginning: ‘Oh, what have you done to your…?’ filling the blank with a relative Oh, what have you done to your Maiden Aunt Sue?...
Celebration
A poem which begins: ‘Once I was only a wannabee’ One I was only a wannabee But now I’m a big celebrity, I’ve turned the glamour on! I...
Paracrostic
A poem in which the initial letters of each line, read down the page, reproduce the first line I am now growing old And long in the tooth...
A Swarm of Bees
A passage which incorporates the following words: Benidorm, biscuit, belatedly, buff, beckoned, bosom, banjaxed, barrister, blue,...
Catchphrase
A poem ending with the phrase: ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time’. It’s too late to rue my lamentable lot. I should have said no to...
Zeugmatic
A piece of prose incorporating examples of the following terms: oxymoron, personification, simile, hyperbole, archaism, periphrasis,...
Variety Turn
An imagined continuation of the (slightly altered) couplet by Dryden ‘A man, so various, he seemed to be Not one prime minister but...
Inaction Man
A story entitled ‘The man who did not’ The room was ready. Could this be the man for the job? He was shown to a chair and invited to sit....
Al Fresco
A poem entitled ‘The Picnic’ Yes, I remember Adders Drop – The place, because one bitter day Wrapped up in overcoats we picnicked there...
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