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The dying inn
A poem lamenting the degeneration of the traditional English pub Long gone, alas, the days of yore When, at the hamlet’s hub, With...
The bug that failed to bite
Two strangers meet through the Spectator column, ‘The Love Bug’ and simultaneously write to each other indicating that future meetings...
Acrostic
A poem in which the first letters of each line spell out MIDSUMMER NIGHT Midsummer night! Midsummer Worthy! Murder. Inspector Barnaby is...
As the bishop said to the ...
As the bishop said to the rook, ‘There are only two moves in my book, A diagonal flight to the left or the right With the aid of my...
Weather in the streets
A poem entitled ‘A Description of a City Shower’. The sudden shower, the flimsy shoes that leak, The soggy socks, the soles that squelch...
Trochaics
A poem in the rhythm of ‘Hiawatha’ entitled ‘Breakfast’ When, as now, the poet’s object Is to write in verse trochaic, Choosing...
Love lecture
A poem offering poetic advice on how to pick up, seduce and keep a lover To kindle the flames from a heart of frost And enrapture the...
Nostradamian
A poem naming, in each line, a startling event which will occur during each month of the year and ending with a four-line glimpse of a...
Are we down-hearted
A poem in the voice of a fed-up soldier far from home I long for old Cheapside, the tavern, the ale, And the merry, late-night revels,...
Diabolical
A poem on the theme of ‘Dinner with the Devil’ She was five and twenty and I was fifty eight! I thought I’d hit the jackpot when she said...
Special Reduction
The life story of a famous fictional character reduced to three limericks A haughty young madam, Miss Havisham, Spinster of somewhere...
The last smoker
A poem about the last smoker on Earth The last weed smoked of any type On Earth was Bert’s. He smoked a pipe, Not smack or crack or even...
Inst
A poem in dispraise of August Augustus Caesar is to blame For blighting August with his name, A month which only fools could claim Has...
Dogs
A poem beginning ‘I do not know much about dogs’ I do not know much about dogs But I know quite a lot about bears And badgers and beavers...
De haut en bas
A reply in blank verse by the maid addressed in Tennyson’s poem: “Come down, oh maid, from yonder mountain height: What pleasure lives in...
House Rules
A poem offering four parental vetoes on children’s behaviour followed by four juvenile vetoes on parental behaviour You’re almost eleven...
Maths Lesson
A piece of prose in which each word has the number of letters corresponding to the first 100 numerals representing the value of π. Zero...
Playtime
A poem incorporating the titles of West End theatrical productions current in 2005 Oh yes, I remember the birthday party And meeting the...
Anti-picturesque
A poem expressing aversion to what is popularly regarded as picturesque I hate the stuff: it’s only straw For rooks to rob and rats to...
Modern types
A poem describing the modern grumbler Modern grumblers vent their spleen On what they see as shameful wrongs: On girls who think it not...
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