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Set Text
A sonnet using the following set rhymes: Pig, bat, cat, wig, jig, hat, rat, fig, lie, red, sob, die, bed, sob. ‘This heinous...
Cooking The Books
A recipe as it might have been written by an author of one’s choice. Gather unto thyself the fruits of the forest, kindling and wood, a...
Second Thoughts
A poem lamenting an impulse buy on eBay ‘Mint condition guaranteed,’ it said, ‘Sleep Inducer.’ Long bereft of zest And dying to relax for...
This Be The Reverse
A refutation of Philip Larkin’s assertion: ‘They fuck you up your mum and dad’ You lying toad! Your love of booze Together with that...
After Max
A parody, with a Christmas connection, of a living British writer with an international reputation (emulating Max Beerbohm’s parodies in...
Paracrostic
A poem in which the initial letters of each line read down the page reproduce the last line. Empower me, I pray, Nourish now my art....
Two Bridges
An updated version of Wordsworth’s ‘Upon Westminster Bridge’ This sight I fear is less fair than it was: Packed pavements, crush and rush...
Occasional Verse
An all-purpose poem for state occasions. We welcome/dread this glad/sad day of news And duly from the following options choose: Disaster,...
Medical Record
An account in verse of a medical procedure undergone I feel that first sharp jab into the gum And, gazing up, must wait until it’s numb....
Against The Grain
A poem expressing distaste for someone or something widely considered to be beautiful Conceived within a marble slab And chiselled out to...
Cliffhanger
The gripping final 150 words of the first instalment of a serial thriller Assured of a handsome income despite the dubious outcome, I...
In Brief
The plot of a well-known novel condensed into 16 lines of verse. Bright bonnie Connie, though less bonnie latterly, Marries a knight and...
Allegory on the Nile
The spiel Mrs Malaprop might give in her capacity as a tour guide to a capital city …unfortunately hidden behind the dabble-dicker bus....
Death Watch
The obituary of God After a long and ineffable existence, God the Almighty, alias Allah, etcetera, departed this life with, ipso facto,...
Four Letter Words
An entertaining and plausible piece of prose using words of only four letters ‘Poor Jack,’ Jill says, ‘sore head, huge lump, deep scar!’...
Valedictory
An Ode on an Expiring Snail Oh hideous crunch! Oh sad and sorry sight! Oh wretched creature writhing in distress Whose slow, meandering...
First and Last
A short story which begins with ‘Of course he knew – no man better – that he hadn’t the ghost of a chance, he hadn’t an earthly’, and...
Bete Noir
A poem which takes the line: ‘How do I hate you? Let me count the ways’ as its first line How do I hate you? Let me count the ways. I...
The Morning After
A dialogue between two body parts composed on the occasion of a hangover A knotty problem this one, but a problem we can share, A tough...
What Alice Did Next
A hitherto (imaginary) unpublished extract by Lewis Carroll relating the further adventures of Alice The adventures of Alice in the...
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