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Season's Greetings
Lines for a Christmas card courtesy of well-known poets God bless thee all this yuletide With plenteous ale, and meat, And may thy...
What on earth happened?
A passage to explain a piece of prose which ends with these three sentences – ‘There was only one thing to do. I gave the umbrella away...
Taking Stock
When Matins ended, Bert was keen To slip away from church unseen, He wasn’t one to stand and snicker Making small talk with the vicar....
Chorus Line
Happy clappy choruses to Edwin were a pain, Their snappy happy rhythms all but drove the man insane. ‘Lead, kindly Light, amid the...
Colourful Enlightening
One Sunday, during matins, Maud was in a restless state, Her mind was in a whirl and she couldn’t concentrate. The prayer book words...
Eternal Bliss
Ronald was the thinking kind, An egghead some would say, A man of independent mind, More scientifically inclined Than some who go to...
Burning Ambition
Thomas was a surly soul who hated getting old And spent his life complaining that the church was much too cold. To suffer things in...
Light Touch
When church was opened up once more (With some still wore their masks) The time was ripe as most felt sure To redistribute tasks. Though...
Water Canon
The canon sometimes gabbled and, instead of ‘Let us pray’, He’d blurt out something similar but more like ‘lettuce spray’. For spraying...
Repeatedly Repentant
Repentance is a funny thing, we promise every week To live the new and godly life that all good men should seek, But never live it ‘ever’...
Pillar Chiller
For Meg the annual choir-do turned out to be a killer: Arriving late the one seat left was right behind a pillar, Every year Meg came...
Eternal Optimism (An old tale retold)
To open each service, the vicar would start By thanking God keenly with all of his heart. The poor congregation could never be sure When...
Brolly Folly
Matthew was an honest man: a truly truthful fella. But, on the way to church one day, he borrowed an umbrella. Caught in rain, without a...
First Communion
“No more!” the curate whispered, “Or you’ll put me on the spot. The sentence ‘Drink ye all of this’ Does not mean drink the lot!”
Double Exposure
Toby loved his local church; a ‘regular’ was he, No one could accuse the man of inconsistency And, when the collection plate appeared, he...
Sore (Counter) Point
The organist suddenly started to weep As he played through a fugue in E flat. Why is it,” he whimpered, “as soon as I play People think...
Un-Sound System
The vicar wore a microphone And spoke both loud and clear. He had important things to say Which everyone should hear. His sermons always...
Back to the Beginning
Needing to increase the size Of weekly congregations, The vicar said, “We must devise A few more celebrations. Harvest festivals succeed...
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