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Trochaic
A poem written in the metre of Longfellow’s ‘The Song of Hiawatha’ describing Hiawatha’s experiences at his computer Proud to own a...
Tongue Twister
A tongue-twisting limerick When slick Mick mocks Max, Max mocks Mick, To mock makes the two of them tick. Though it’s trivial and trite...
The Long View
A news bulletin on the outcome of the 2010 general election delivered by a well-known figure from history Behold there were three: Hope,...
Teen spirits
Invent new social types for the current decade Costaways: teenage students on pointless, impractical and unprofitable university or...
Going to the dogs
A poem that might have been included in T.S. Eliot’s ‘Old Possum’s Book of Practical Dogs’ Hieronymus Hound has his nose to the ground...
Talking pictures
The views of an inanimate object, in verse, on its owner You’re clearly narcissistic. You’re the soul of vanity. You gaze at me for hours...
Bizarre Books
The publicity blurb for an implausibly titled but real book, ‘I Was Tortured by a Pygmy Sex Queen’ Emerging unscathed from Sexton’s...
Conversation Piece
A dialogue in verse between a well-known writer and one of his or her creations ‘Oh why did you snaffle my toes When I once had twice...
Win some ...
A competition loser’s lament Oh dire day! Oh cruel fate! Immersed in overwhelming grief I weep into my handkerchief And rue my sad and...
Mea culpa
A poem bemoaning the general decline in the standards of literacy incorporating the words: – elicit, illicit, lessen, lesson,...
Uninviting
A classified advertisement which is unlikely to elicit a response Jumbo GooGun – the easy-to-use, sure to amuse Toddlers’ ‘Toy of the...
Palinode
A poem by a well-known poet retracting something said in a previous poem Though I vow that once we met, I now confess that I was lying,...
Shape Shifter
A contemporary version of the 18th-century satirical song, ‘The Vicar of Bray’ In trendy times when Tony ruled, Rejecting the absurd way,...
Memorably Bad
A poem in the style of William Topaz McGonagall on an issue of contemporary relevance to the Scot Beleaguered city of Edinburgh! You are...
Name Game
An extract from a novel in the style of the author where one letter of the title has been changed Such was the variety to be observed...
Veg Wars
An argument, in verse, for the superiority of one vegetable over another With judgement unbiased and clinical care, The sprout with the...
Domestic Mottoes
A verse motto for a household object (Bathroom scales) I fill you with fear, You think I’m unkind, You rarely come near But I weigh on...
Miss J Hunter Dunn
A sequel to Betjeman’s ‘A Subaltern’s Love Song’ Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Amazed, how I gazed on the girl I had won,...
Chasing The Ratings
A proposal for a new TV reality show after the demise of Big Brother Hi, CJ! Visualise this: new series title – Keep Your Cool! – a dozen...
Tips of the slung
A lesson in the facts of life courtesy of Mrs Malaprop Approbate the facts of life: I learned more from the bards than the bees – and...
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