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Bete Noir

A poem which takes the line: ‘How do I hate you? Let me count the ways’ as its first line


How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.

I hate you calling Robert ‘thee’ when ‘you’

Would do as well; I hate the rosy hue

With which you colour every flowery phrase;

I hate the way you rabbit on and rave

In mawkish metaphors of love that knows

No limits but miraculously grows,

If you’re to be believed, beyond the grave!

I hate you for your similes, your rhymes,

Your every prissy, pious platitude;

I hate your saintly, nauseous attitude

To love long since consigned to fabled times;

I hate the way you’ve wormed your way into

The Nation’s Favourite Poems, fame indeed!

Small wonder then, of all the verse I read,

No sonnet could I hate so much as you!

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