An imaginary newspaper report announcing some piece of ‘scientific’ research purporting to prove something either obvious or bizarre
According to the latest scientific research, the unsightly scum left by men in washbasins and on the sides of baths is set to become the boon rather than the bane of every woman’s life.
Working with colleagues in Frankfurt, Dr Friedrich Schwartz discovered that by adding these deposits to an emulsifying agent such as cod liver oil, a cream is produced which, when applied to the skin, accelerates the female metabolism and prevents the need for weight-reducing diets.
A probable explanation for the phenomenon lies in the ability of the cream, which contains traces of testosterone combined with sodium compounds from the soap and toothpaste, to react chemically with oestrogen, thereby increasing the female’s metabolic rate.
Trials with odour-neutralisers aimed at eliminating the cream’s obnoxious smell are currently in progress although early market research suggests that most women would be prepared to suffer more scum for less tum.
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