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Chasing The Ratings

A proposal for a new TV reality show after the demise of Big Brother


Hi, CJ! Visualise this: new series title – Keep Your Cool! – a dozen or so cantankerous old codgers (guaranteed to amuse younger viewers) confined in a mock-up residential home with various irritations: loose doorknobs, toilets that won’t flush, TV and radio reception unavailable, interminable piped music (ultra modern), uncomfortable furniture, highly polished slippery floors, bunk beds (with bottom bunks removed), small-print books published in Balinese, cramped kitchen equipped with impossibly complicated gadgetry, intricately-sealed food packaging and compulsory daily challenges which entail solving unsolvable cryptic crosswords. Contact with the outside world only available via a permanently engaged telephone. And here’s the twist: contestants who keep their cool the longest (rather than losing it) will be the ones to be evicted and the shortest-tempered ‘winner’ will gain an automatic place in the next series. Ideas for future scenarios, currently on the back burner, will soon be in the pipeline.

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