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Global Mourning

An Obituary for Planet Earth


Earth’s demise was regrettable but inevitable. The planet might have been destroyed by natural events: tsunamis, pandemics or asteroids. Its end might have come from self destruction: atomic warfare or climate change. But from such catastrophes Earth was saved by we who valued the planet, not for its human folly nor for its vulnerability but for its polysyllabic language nurtured from Shakespeare to Shaw and revealed to us through the Doctor. Such words, peculiar to Earth, appealed to our alien tongues and would have guaranteed your survival but for one who sought to debase them and trump them with tweets. ‘Con and fake’ were crude expressions which forced us to expedite Earth’s destruction. Yes, we stand at your grave and weep, not for your loss but the loss of your glorious polysyllabic words. Lamentably now Earth’s empty space must eternally echo our final cries, words learned from you: ‘Annihilate! Exterminate!’

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