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Tips of the slung

A lesson in the facts of life courtesy of Mrs Malaprop

Approbate the facts of life: I learned more from the bards than the bees – and more from the hens than the cooks who spend most of their time flattering after females and sowing their sods. The hen, however, is more concerned with fathering her nest and projecting her young. Needles to say, cooks also have their uses if only to stand on gourd or porridge for food while the hen incumbents her eggs.

Arguably, hens might live in ecstatic rupture if there were no cocks but, just as for humans ‘love and marriage go together like a hearse and carnage’, so it is for our feathered fiends. The morale in all this is oblivious: if life on Earth is not to become venerable to distinction we must all find a mite in order to go forth and multiplex. Nothing is more impotent. The revival of the faeces depends upon it.

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