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Veg Wars

An argument, in verse, for the superiority of one vegetable over another


With judgement unbiased and clinical care,

The sprout with the lettuce now let us compare.

No sensible soul would dispute, as a fact,

That little, tight balls, being firm and compact,

Are better by far, to be brutally brief,

Than the languishing, lacklustre, limp lettuce leaf.

Rooted in soil with manifold bugs

The lettuce is readily riddled with slugs

But the sprout, raised aloft on its stocky stout stick

Is remarkably pest-free and simpler to pick.

The dental profession, we know beyond doubt,

Dismisses the lettuce and favours the sprout

Since teeth, to be strong, when it comes to the crunch,

Need something quite solid to munch over lunch.

So legislate, Brussels! The time is at hand

For sprouts to be lauded and lettuces banned.

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